The VANISHING FATHER

To lillypea :

All is I can say is "Amen to that ! " I hope all of us find a way to fill the holes left by childhood abuse and neglect. Trying to fill that Daddy hole is a big one. It comes down to loving ourselves as we are . Forgiveness . Letting go and Letting God. Filling the holes with new and peaceful memories...Most of all , it is important to find wholeness within ourselves , not in another person.

I pray that we all can take the journey to wholeness.

soulight

I understand completely see my father left us out of the quickness of the night without question of cause or of why he wanted to severe his ties with us.  I did not know my father but when i was 21 that was 17 years without him he decided to appear out of some foggy scene that he himself apparently has no recolection.  He to this day which has been 6 years later i did have some connection in the begining when he did his famous appearing act but then realized why my curiousity was going to kill me.  As they say i found he didn't care about his only daughter after lies upon lies and all the time and energy i put into saving him in a sense.  I got nothing but a selfish depressed conceided father.  I was hurt.  When i finally had enough i basically stop with all conversations back and forth and began healing after the pain once again.  But lately he decided to write my husband a letter and talk to him like he was his own blood.  Inserting in the letter my half sister which to me seems to be his closness rather than i am.  Though my sister really dislikes him.  He pursues her like she is.  In some sick fashion i imagine.  So in my head i am writing a letter to him in all the things i should say.  I know what i should and shouldn't say but that tie we once shared for a bleak moment will never be.  I feel for all those who lost there fathers in lies and the own form of self distruction.  It does pain me so that others have to go through what i felt when he left.  For all those woman who feel the pain and scarcity of their invisible dads.  I feel for you in all most of sympathy and heart.  God bless everyone and hope too you all can fix that whole as well as i have.  Thank you. 

I will never forget this incident that happened after I separated from my former husband : My daugher had bought my ex husband a birthday present and wrapped it herself. My ex said that he would show up to church and sit together with my daughter. She sat there holding the present for the whole service and he never showed up . He still has about the same lack of caring 7 years later. All I can tell my daughter is " There are some people who are like cabbages. They smell the same no matter how you cook them." "Your dad is a cabbage. FATHERS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE THERE FOR YOUR KIDS. What you DON'T do could make for many years of heartache and counseling for your kids . You are responsible for the self-esteem of your kids. Don't withold your love from them because you want to 'get back ' at your ex. It's not about you.It's not about your ex. It's about that precious kid who just wants a dad. soulight

My own father walked out of my life when I was 9 I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was waiting by the window with my bags packed and he never showed. At age 13 he stopped paying child support, then by age 14 when we could get him into court he wanted to be daddy all over again. I stood up and said forget you ever had a daughter and that was that. When I turned 22 I decided maybe I should make peace with him and I did which lasted 2 years. I gave it a good effort only to feel unwelcome. I have now once again cut off all ties with him, you can't have something that was never really there. Dads need to realize when they walk out they can never make up for lost time. They can never mend the broken hearts they leave behind.