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The VANISHING FATHER

soulight started this conversation

Why is the father figure  'position'  in our country so vacant ?                                                                                                                                      This site addresses that question to some extent.

 

 

First I would like to say that I know there are still good fathers out there. Fathers who care about and love their children and are attentive and supporting with their wives.   This is about a crisis with the fathers who don't care . The page that I found is about that father. It is pretty sad that they make this topic into a college course because of its' widspread occurance in our country. .

The best part about this site is the PROGRAM READINGS and the SELECT BIOGRAPHY ON THE FAMILY CRISIS DEBATE parts . If you want to do research and reading about this crisis in our country with disappearing fathers , this is where to start.

 

THE VANISHING FATHER

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Here is a book that you might want to check out of the library . It will be of help to your daughter who has been abandoned by her father. It makes me sad just writing this. My own daughter is in this situation and it still tears at my heart.  Papa Was A Rolling Stone: A Daughter's Journey to Forgiveness captures the pains of hundreds of thousands of daughters especially in Black America with absent fathers. Prof. Lee E. Meadows of Walsh College describes it as "a stunningly vivid account of a parental void that should resonate with readers"

 

The ISBN is a number that you can use to find the book at the library . If you are not sure how to use it , just ask a librarian . I hope and pray that this book helps some young girls and young women in their journey to forgiveness.


 
Pub date: 2007
Pages: 181 p. :
ISBN: 9780976075547

 

 

More information about the book :

A touching and compassionate story, "Papa Was A Rolling Stone: A Daughter's Journey to Forgiveness", exposes the painful experience of father absence in America.  Robin Wright King describes her account and struggle to understand why the 'first man she wanted to love her' did not.   She elegantly articulates the impact of his absence while sharing her journey to forgiveness and the vitally important role that fathers play in the lives of their daughters.  She examines this national fatherlessness epidemic for African American females and all women, and issues a call to action to alter behaviors responsible for 'Baby Daddy's and 'Baby Mama's.

 

 

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OnMyOwn2   in reply to Jme1
Don't give up no matter what...but...do keep your job. Do what it takes to prioritize -I know that is so hard but your daughter will need you for a lifetime and you her...and you must take care of yourself so that you can take care of her. Work on getting a back up - e.g. baby sitter, friend, or something that you can gently introduce as a part of your support system that might be able to help when your ex is late picking her up or does not pick her up from school or somewhere else - you will need this network for a lifetime as well. If you don't have one, you might consider joining a church or other community type activity - charity - or something so that you can become a part of something larger for you, for her and thus plug into a network that you support and can support you and her. A solid network again you will need for a lifetime and people out there - community - needs you too. You and she could do things together, building the extended family and network together. - My father gave up because of a difficult mother and this has impacted my my whole life. It effects my confidence, the way I related to people, and even though I know it was not my fault, I have tremendous guilt and wonder everyday what might have been had I had his support, even sometimes. Daughters get ingrained in their heads that they are somehow less than the other kids that have fathers who are involved - that is the way it is and in the school yard, it's brutal - its a measure of status that sticks with you all the way thru that you have to work double time to fit in.

Don't give up - pray, even if you never have...just do it and take one day at a time. Love is powerful thing and is meant for one day at a time, building for a lifetime. And, someday you will be old, we all will, and when those days come, you will need her in more ways that you can imagine - not for "cares" sake but for the love :) - Finally, remember, she is gift...you are gift to each other and its worth fighting for. She will learn about love, relationships - the right way - thru u...she will look to u for these lessons...take the opportunity no matter how challenging.

God Bless and Good Luck.
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Mommy of 3 in TN   in reply to Jme1
Please don't give up on your little girl. She needs you more then ever right now. Fight till there's no end for her! The world needs more dads that care like you :) hang in there.
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woman in a shoe   in reply to Jme1
Don't give up my son been thought hell and back for his kids.we got the mother to give him one of them after 8 long years. The son is old even to tell his mother he don't want to be with her anymore he stays with his grant grand present right now so don't give up on your little girl because of her mother good luck to u and your little girl I will keep u in my prays
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getfreedental   in reply to Jme1
Hello. Hang in there - you sound like a great father! Your daughter will see all your effort down the road and have a true appreciation for everything you have done. May God bless.
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missjanie   in reply to Jme1
Awe dont give up,not many daddys that are willing to fight for there children. Keep up the good work!! You can always google 211.org with your city and state for agencies that can provide you many ways of assistance. Good luck and God Bless you
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Jme1
Im a father.. Been looking up and down for answers. I have a daughter, the most beautiful little girl i can ever ask for. I left her mother because of adultery. I was fine with that but i told her i want to continue being a father to my child. I support her, take her for weeks at a time and spend as much quality time as i can. Her mother has been giving me hell ever since the day we have split. She has been making my life miserable just so i can be in my daughters life.

Im trying my hardest to fight to stay in her life.. Im on the final warning at work if im late again ill lose my job, because her mother is irresponsible.
Her mother doesnt keep up with medical wellness check ups or vaccinations. I have to take her to the doctor and make sure she is fine. Last bloodwork done her lead level was high. The courts dont seem to care.

Can this be another reason why fathers leave their children?
I honestly dont know what to do but just to give up.
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njan18   in reply to Annie38
Kids will lash out at you because you are present and accessible. It is displaced anger and hurt. Sometimes teens will manipulate such sore spots to rebel. She probably doesn't mean it. She knows you are her rock. She will live you so much harder when she becomes a parent. Stay strong and pray. Don't be shaken. You are a phenomenal woman!
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t20mh
Is there anything anyone knows about for the mother forgiving herself after the father abandons the child.
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Thank you, I searched all over and God helped me to find the truth. Sadly my daughter is now making ugly remarks calling me "cougar" & Pedofile because he is younger. I told her "Your dad lied about his name & age, left us & is trying to keep away from his resbonsibility, I raised you & have cared for you as well as I digged up the truth for you Don't forget that young lady!!" Cannot understand why this happens often like if we were the bad ones??? :(
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BaddCatt   in reply to Annie38
Hey annie38

I'm proud of you for your persitence. And you're right. He does have a responsibility and your child deserves to have her dad and his name. (If she wants it)
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Annie38   in reply to Annie38
Sorry my cel is acting up with the keyboard.
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Hello, comes to be that he used his brother's info in complicity with his mom. I found his pic on fb looking up names related to his brother. I text the grandma & she is still the dirty mouth lady I met. He called me all tough because she told him her side of the story & asking me if all I cared about was child support. He accepted my daughter's friend request but has not yet mentioned paternity issues or gas spoken to her on the phone. I read a post he is opening a Rest. so Im guessing he is afraid of me taking him to court, which I still am, not because of, but because it is his responsibility & my child's right to have a dad & his real last name & not his brother's. Have a great day.
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Thank you, I will keep you posted. Enjoy your day.
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BaddCatt   in reply to Annie38
Wishing you the best of luck. Stay in touch. If I'm ever able to offer assistance, I will.
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Yes, I always spoke to her about him and how much she looks like him. She has been teased about her color and the fact he is not in her life and that has made her rebellious towards me and her siblings, as well as in school. That is why I am in the mission to get to the bottom of this, whatever happens afterward at least I will have the satisfaction I did my best to bring him into her life.
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BaddCatt   in reply to Annie38
That's good. Is your child even aware of him?
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Wanting him back for the sake of my child not for me.
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Annie38   in reply to BaddCatt
Hi, well he is not in jail. I looked up the mugshots and the person with this name and DOB is another person who looks like the grandma and I think could be his brother. I found the picture and if he lied about his age I think he also lid about his name because this person recently got arrested but when he called me he said he was locked up for 8 yrs so even of this other man used his name obviously other records of him had to show up. So now the only thing I have is his mother's name and cell but I lost my job do to health issues so I cannot pay for a full search of her info. She is covering for him like she influenced on him to not sign the birth certificate. My baby is beautiful and smart and she looks nothing like me yet she is all him ): Thank you for your reply
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BaddCatt   in reply to Annie38
Wow Annie38

You come from a dysfunctional family, and you didn't break the cycle with your first choice in men. It sounds like you have suffered much but have become stronger and wiser as a result.
Keep trusting in the Lord and let Him direct your path hence forward.
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BaddCatt   in reply to Annie38
Hello Annie38
Sounds like he was a child when you met and he still hasn't matured. Are you wanting him back in your life? Is he hiding because he's trying to avoid paying child support? It blows my mind that these deadbeat dads don't realize that the monetary support is secondary to the spiritual, physical and social support that the children need from their dads.
Apparently the grandmother is covering for him. This is what I would like for you to do, Annie - If you have the grandmother's address, I want you to mail to her a copy of the movie 'Courageous'. She needs to watch it and then pass it on to him. Even if he is in jail, they'll let him watch it. It would be good for all the inmates to watch.

Please keep us updated. We'll be praying for you.
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